You belong to me.
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Misato realizes her complicated feelings and many masks come together when she looks at Shinji...


Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is by Gainax.  
  
You belong to me.  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
When the night falls upon those with no dreams, static gets in the way and all you'll ever see is what you want. You learn to ignore what is there and make out what you want. Or rather, you make out what must be there.  
Why?  
  
To survive of course.  
  
I had long forgotten that my two faces could never be shared to just one person. People would only know one or the other. You couldn't have all of me. No, you will never know anything about me.  
Penetrate my heart again...  
  
And all I'll do is kill you.  
  
My eyes averted themselves to the ground as I folded my hands to look at the ground. The moonlight shined through the window and I had wished that there was no light. For in darkness, people are able to move so freely.  
Like a mask, you can hurt and be hurt so easily. And yet, you wouldn't know what or who your perpetrator was.  
  
Only to find...  
It could be just yourself.  
  
My long hair fell in back of me as I turned slowly to face you. I couldn't face the moon anymore.  
I was too ashamed of even the light seeing what I was doing.  
  
There you were in front of me with only a bed sheet separating us. And all I could do was look at you tenderly.  
You looked away from me and I had wondered what was so wrong.  
  
You belong to me, Shinji.  
  
But at that moment, you turned your head away from my direction to avoid looking at me all together. In this silence, I placed my two hands on the curve of your body and stared down at you. My eyes blinked as I realized what I had been thinking all this time.  
  
I _was_ wrong.  
  
Doki doki doki...  
  
I had been wrong all this time.  
  
In the blueness, I mumbled your name, "Shinji-kun...please look at me."  
  
With an almost annoyed look, your eyes slightly gave a glance towards my direction. Then, the bed moved slightly below me as your whole body faced me. But being the child you were, you looked at me in anger.  
  
I pulled the sheet further down to reveal your naked shoulders. My eyes opened widely as you continued to watch me watching you.  
  
"I want to scream at you so much..." I mumbled softly in pain.  
  
"Why always at me, Misato?" He blinked his eyes at me innocently.  
  
I cringed the sheets in between my fingers and felt my tension even more. I looked away and I closed my eyes. "Because..."  
  
I opened my eyes. "You belong to me, Shinji."  
  
I leaned forward and whispered to his ear, "Why'd you tell me this?  
Were you looking for my reaction  
What do you need to know  
Don't you know I'll always be your girl?"  
  
A flash of Asuka's superior smile came to mind as I found myself at the threshold leading into the living room. Obviously no one had known that I had come in because I was thinking of surprising them by taking them out.  
Since we were under a lot of stress from the latest training procedures, I thought that it would be nice since I had taken half of the day off.  
  
And instead of surprising, I had been the one surprised.  
  
"Asuka-san..." Shinji had said as his unknowing eyes looked back at Asuka.  
She shook her head. "We didn't do it right the first time..."  
  
My eyes opened a bit wide as a little gasp came out.  
  
Doki doki doki...  
  
At that instant, Shinji had caught my eyes as I wanted to press my back on some wall in the hallway. Asuka didn't notice anything as she concentrated on Shinji.  
  
But instead of backing into the wall, I laughed as I came in saying with a smile, "Tadaimasu!"  
  
Asuka hit Shinji's head with the back of her hand as she turned around to say, "Shinji's so stupid sometimes..."  
  
And that was that, she walked out of the room as I went into the kitchen without looking at Shinji as he stared at me while I was passing by him.  
  
  
I closed my eyes tighter as I sang on, "You don't have to prove to me you're beautiful to strangers. I've got loving eyes of my own..."  
  
I placed my hands on his face and my iron mask began to fill with tears. I felt as if I had an internal eclipse...  
Both sides of myself showing their vulnerability towards Shinji with my hair falling delicately over his shoulder blades as he watched me with fear and curiosity.  
  
"You belong to me." I sang to him as he watched me. "Tell her you were fooling  
You don't even know her. Tell her that I love you..."  
  
I then pressed my lips onto his in a warm kiss.  
  
As my body fell, our chests touched as I laid my head by the pillow next to his still singing,   
"You belong to me  
Can it be, honey, that you're not sure  
You belong to me  
Thought we'd closed the book - locked the door  
You don't have to prove to me that you're beautiful to strangers  
I've got loving eyes of my own  
And I can tell   
I can tell darling  
Tell her  
Tell her that I love you..."  
  
My body felt like it would ache if he wouldn't touch me back. And I realized what was really wrong.  
  
My selfishness was taking over my sense of logic once more...  
  
  
"This is wrong..." I mumbled.  
  
  
It was then that I instantly stopped singing and abruptly got up. Wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I laughed as I smiled at him.  
The smiling Katsuragi...  
  
That's what you should see.  
Your guardian.  
  
"I...I'm sorry..." I started to apologize. "I don't know what got into me."  
  
As I was getting up, Shinji's arms wrapped themselves behind me and I was caught in a lock that I didn't have the strength to protest again.  
  
"This is wrong. I made a mistake, Shinji-kun," I softly whispered as I thought of the first time Shinji had been assigned to me...  
  
  
"You kiss up, Katsuragi-san," one of the personnel had told me with a wink.  
That's what they all thought.  
They thought I wanted to get closer to the commander. I don't deny the pay increase, but it was something more than that.  
  
I wanted someone to come home to.  
I know it was selfish...  
  
But...  
  
  
My heart cringed at that moment.  
  
"When did I start falling in love with you, Shinji?" I gently said as if scolding myself.  
  
His face still buried itself on my back as I felt the tears on my tanktop.   
"You..." his voice said with a sob.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You gave me that look when you watched us..." he trailed off in his muffled voice.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He was silent for a moment. Then he answered, "I don't know how to describe it. But it was different from all the other ones I've ever seen you give."  
  
It was my turn to be silent as I found myself wanting to get up and leave.  
  
"Misato-san..." he then whispered to my ear, "Sing me the rest of that song."  
  
I opened my eyes wider as I shook my head with nothing to say.   
Caught between wanting the affection like any human wanted and knowing what was morally right...  
  
I then turned around and blinked my eyes as I pushed his shoulders down onto the bed. While leaning my hands to the sides of his waist, I looked down at him and began to sing again,  
  
"You belong   
You belong   
You belong to me-"  
  
He blinked his eyes. "Are you sure?" Shinji interrupted with his innocence.  
  
It was then that he pulled my shirt and we stared at one another. I looked at his lips as he looked at mine.  
  
I sang more, "Tell her you were fooling  
Tell her she don't even know you  
Tell her you were fooling..."  
  
He nodded his head readily, yet slowly as we found the half-way mark. And we found ourselves kissing one another.  
  
"I know you from a long time ago, baby  
Don't leave me to go to her now..."  
  
I began to pull the bedsheet below his waist as we looked each other in the eye.  
  
"You belong to me," I ended as I kissed his neck.  
  
But then, I ended up leaning my head on his chest as I embraced him in desparation.  
I don't know where this feeling came from. And I don't know where it will go.  
  
"Keep singing Misato..."  
  
And so I sang it all over again as the moonlight emitted through the window while he caught the bedsheet in his hands and pulled it over us.  
  
Again, I sang the song with my heart bleeding onto my lips...  
  
"Why'd you tell me this  
Were you looking for my reaction  
What do you need to know  
Don't you know I'll always be your girl  
You don't have to prove to me you're beautiful to strangers  
I've got loving eyes of my own  
  
You belong to me  
Tell her you were fooling  
You don't even know her  
Tell her that I love you  
  
You belong to me  
Can it be, honey, that you're not sure  
You belong to me  
Thought we'd closed the book   
Locked the door  
You don't have to prove to me that you're beautiful to strangers  
I've got loving eyes of my own  
And I can tell   
I can tell darling  
Tell her   
Tell her that I love you  
  
You belong   
You belong   
You belong to me  
Tell her you were fooling  
Tell her she don't even know you  
Tell her you were fooling  
I know you from a long time ago, baby  
Don't leave me to go to her now  
You belong to me."  
  
I didn't want to do anything with him. I just wanted him there.  
  
"I just want you here, Shinji-kun," I whispered. "I don't want your body..."  
  
"I...want your soul..." he somehow finished breathlessly.  
  
  
So, there I stayed holding him like the lost child I had always been as he warmly held me back. I had not expected for his touch to be so warm...  
  
We were just holding onto one another...  
Wanting to survive...  
  
With no particular reason.  
  
  
I closed my eyes. "Wake me up when you do."  
He had understood what this meant.  
  
  
The next day, I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I took a beer can and laughed as I had drunk down my sorrow.  
Shinji was trying to make breakfast as Asuka rushed by saying, "I have to meet some friends at the park. I'll see you later!!"  
  
But with her glance, I could tell she could see something strange happening. She sensed it as I tried to act naturally with Shinji trying to hold his half smile forming.  
  
With Shinji's back facing me, the frying pan sizzled. The door closed as his lips moved to sing, "You belong to me..."  
  
A heartache began to form inside of me as my smile contradicted my feelings. I couldn't look at him as I guzzled down my drink and sat in my chair.  
  
And he still continued to sing, "You don't have to prove to me you're beautiful to strangers..."  
  
  
We're just children...  
No matter how old we are...  
Wanting warmth...  
  
Even if it's lie,  
You want to be wanted...  
It's a human trait we can never deny...  
  
Just like the time when my father rescued me. My hate had turned to shock at that time. I didn't know what to do but follow him in deep shock not knowing whether to cry, scream, or be happy that he even bothered to care.  
  
I realized at that moment how so wrong and how so right this was...  
  
  
And my scar began to ache.  
  
  
I then got up and grabbed Shinji's waist in my arms.  
  
  
How come we can't make our pain go away...  
Instead, we make more to wash over what we already have?  
  
  
End.  
--  
Author's note: This was just one of those that came out weird. I had listened to this song and thought how this would suit Misato and Shinji.   
At first, I was following a dream I had with Misato and Shinji. It was through this dream did I realized that 1) I liked Shinji, 2) I was a Misato type in some way though I'm more of a Rei Ayanami (hence the e-mail), and 3) I had liked the Shinji x Misato pairing.  
I'm sorry if this fic makes no sense. A lot of my fics don't. ^^;;; I just wanted the emotion... 


End file.
